Time: April 2016
Place: My Condo Building at 1225 Lasalle
"But you have to give your entire life to the cello. When I realized that, I went back to my guitar and turned up the volume a bit more"
-Ritchie Blackmore, Deep Purple
-Ritchie Blackmore, Deep Purple
On a cool April morning in 2016, a cello was thrown from the balcony of a 23 story Mid-West high-rise. We do not know who threw it. We do not know why. And frankly, it doesn't matter. What does count is the fact that for a brief few seconds, a stringed instrument, that cello, hovered in the Minneapolis air like the very notes it had played before. The final sound it made was a crash on Lasalle avenue below.
One can easily imagine drying laundry falling from a high-rise. Underwear? Yes. A blanket? Yes,yes of course. Or perhaps even a duffel bag, thrown by a jilted lover, telling them to “get out!” But a cello? The pinnacle of female form? That magical wooden box that plays Beethoven, Bach and Brahms? I just never saw it coming.
With no dog to kick, the cello came next on the pecking order. And at that wonderfully weird cross road of Stradivarius and spittle filled rage, a Cello, fueled and propelled with pure anger, flew across the Minneapolis skyline
as if it had always belonged there, right with the birds and butterflies.
The police were already on site. A domestic disturbance? A disturbed individual? Or perhaps a person who had just decided that the damn thing was just too hard to learn to play. Whatever the cause, the cello missed the parked police cars by mere feet. The bow seems to have survived the ordeal. Perhaps it was hiding in the closet, or stood frightened, inconspicuous in the corner, white strings against a white wall. Or maybe it just didn't count. Either way, like Bud without Abbot, like Laurel without Hardy, like a knife without a fork, the bow wasn't worth anything alone and might as well have been thrown from the balcony as well.
Throwing a cello from the balcony. Is it a crime? I bet the law makers never thought of that one.
What kind of a fine does one get from turning over a musical instrument to the forces of gravity? Tubas? Pianos? Clarinets? Will throwing a harmonica or mouth harp off the balcony get you less jail time than a trombone? I had so many questions. I had so few answers.
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| I fermented a special wine to commemorate the special event called "Flying Cello". The label is pending and is aging whilst I travel. |
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| My wonderful neighbor 'drew and his girlfriend 'lissa were there at the moment of the crash. (Shown here with Horsey) I ran from the kitchen to the balcony to see the tumult. |
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| My building. The Cello fell 21 stories .................................................................................................................................................................
Behind the Scenes:
It was later found out the cello cost $65,000. The owner is bi-polar and had a meltdown when mother came to check up on her. She attempted to jump out the window with said cello but only the cello made it out.
My wine almost was called "Splatter".........it would have been a red.
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